The traditional hunt season starts this weekend across the countryside, but the urban cyclist has an alternative quarry – the bike-thieving vermin that plague our city streets!
With 1,000 bicycles stolen each day, the ETA is making a stand. In proudly launching F.O.R.K.S. Hunt, we herald a purge of the felons, outlaws, rascals, knaves and scallywags (F.O.R.K.S.) who would deprive honest citizens of their beloved bicycles.
As documented in the moving pictures below, our first jaunt of the season was a success.
On an auspicious morning in London’s Covent Garden, the first bike thief was bagged and the streets made just a little bit safer for the humble cyclist than they were afore.
Though 20,000 bicycles are reported stolen in London each year, this particular rapscallion’s luck has run out and his fate is in your hands…
Inaugural F.O.R.K.S hunt
Watch a film of the inaugural F.O.R.K.S Hunt and then leave a comment at the bottom of this page to be entered into our free prize draw.
Three lucky cyclists will bag a Trotify device, as pictured below, with which to convert their own bicycles into a magnificent two-wheeled steed.
To enter the free prize draw, watch the film below and then leave a comment at the bottom of this page suggesting what fate should befall the hapless bicycle thief. Three comments drawn at random will win a Trotify.
Win a Trotify – Leave a comment below
Tomthumb
Tarred and feathered?
Lizbeth
I’d love a Trotify for my bike. What about posting the thief’s face on the digital display boards at Piccadilly Circus?
jason smith
Stocks…in trafalgar square
Lisa Baskerville
Perhaps we could get the thief to generate electricity on a static bike to supply a charitable organisation with free energy?
Al Reed
Lock them to a bike rack with “bike thief” written on their face!
Rhian
Clip clop clip clop….I Does it come with a swishing tail too? Good luck catching those Felons…anyone caught should be made to get onstage at Covent Garden and quizzed about their actions, then people can throw rotten fruit at them!
Julia Wilde
Made to do compulsory horses hooves sound effects for any radio play that needs them
Ludwig Esser
Train them as a hunter and thief catcher. For every bicycle thief she catches and she can recruit, she gets a bonus point. If her recruits catch and convert they get a point and she as well. And so on. 10 bonus points: an unvarnished trotter. 50 bonus points: a model with LEDs for nighttime hunting…
Donald Payne
I’m liking Lisa’s suggestion. DP.
Robin Betts
King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, King of the Britons. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
Soldier: What? Ridden on a bicycle?
King Arthur: Yes!
Soldier: You’re using a Trotify!
King Arthur: What?
Soldier: You’ve got two empty halves of coconut and you’re bangin’ ’em together, via an ingenious combination of wheels and rubber bands.
King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through…
Soldier: Where’d you get the coconuts?
King Arthur: The ETA gave them two us.
Soldier: The ETA? Where did they get them? The coconut’s tropical!
…I could go on 🙂
Chris Nicol
Amputation of feet.
Chris Nicol
A winter clearing ditches
Mary Fisher
The block!
Evita
Tie her to the back of the bike and cycle as fast as you can for 10 miles and see if she can keep up!
Julian
Thief should be given a bucket, water and cloths and made to clean all the bikes at a large capacity Bicycle stand.
diana bruce
Make an honest woman of her … marry her!
Pedro Mendes
LIKE
Mary Ann Hooper
Put the trotify on the static bike and the thief on the pedals so she has to lead the galloping trotifyers and never get away.
Chris Elven
First Offence = Made to work at one of the many bike charities in the country,fixing bikes for the less fortunate to have.
Then when they see the hard work in maintenance and the joy people have when they own there own steed. they may think twice before stealing bikes again….
Second offence = Hit over the head with a steel crank arm with a 48t Ring attached !
Harry Burn
Hit by a bike until dead.
Andrew Davis
The thief’s face should be plastered on every government mobile billboard.
Sylvia Schöningh-Taylor
The thief should be banned from driving a car for 5 years
James Russell
Send her to Australia!!
John Holmes
Tyburn gallows. Nothing less.
Alan Donnelly
Should be required to set up a ticketed cycle parking facility.
clarke
locked to any busy public bike stand and obliged to beg, with all monies collected given to local orphanage for bike purchase(s.)
dawn
Death by Boris…
christina
Volunteer repairing people’s bikes at a local bike hub – as they are obviously intyerested in bikes 🙂 – then they might be able to get a job as a bike repair engineer, and get a decent income and not be tempted to theive.
matt9511
why can theives leave right alone the bikes they are eyeing up not only are they stealing whole bikes they are evening going as far as to steal FORKS. Wheels etc.
some little scally way made off with my FOX forks and left behind the rest of the bike.
they are clearly stealing to order and yet the police wil not be able to trace as who goes as far as to not every component on their bike.
my new policy is to lock it in a storage bin for bikes which is like fort knocks.
lets bring back decapidation of fingers when theives are caught or as they do in the developing world continue stoning to death those that steal.
Chris Payne
I would have the thief run behind me with the coconuts ( as per ‘Brave sir Robin’ in Monty Pythons Holg Grail ) until I get my very own trotify!
David Clement-Horton
Forced labour to cut coconuts in half and hollow them out.
MK Jaffer
I suppose, were the FORKS in question to steal a mount such as a horse; once caught by our noble patrols, they’d be rightly put to work mending the horseshoes and mucking out the stables!!
In the case of a prized mechanism such as a bicycle however, I imagine that the equivalent for those twits, would be pumping tyres and greasing chains!
Just remember, all you FORKS out there, “there is no secret so close as that between a rider and his velocipede!”
M Fitchett
Make them ride from Lands End to John O’Groats. Then they might never want to see a bike again, OR they may decide bikes are great and treat them and their owners with the respect they deserve!!
Dani
Pulled apart by horses please.