Evil Cycle Lobby consolidates grip on British roads

Ever wondered how countless cycle lanes that probably cost a million quid per metre, spring up overnight? In news that will surprise nobody who’s ever watched a Bond film, it seems a group of maleficent – and well funded – masterminds are behind these senseless attacks on the British motorist.

According to sources, The Evil Cycling Lobby meet the first Friday of every month in the parish hall to discuss their apparent control of councils nationwide.

As an evil organisation it’s worth highlighting their aims:

1.Create safe, liveable cities we and our children will be proud of

2. Make sure everyone can walk, wheelchair, pram, scoot, toddle, balance-bike, run, cycle, handcycle, tandem or tagalong in safety where they live, work and play.

3.To get Councils to build safe, well designed, infrastructure with consideration to all aforementioned users, taking space from the private motor vehicle

All pretty dastardly…and we agree with them wholeheartedly.

We’d like to support the Evil Cycle Lobby in its nefarious aims by offering you the chance to win some of its merch. Proceeds go to the following extremely worthwhile cycling campaigns: Wheels for Wellbeing ; Pedal on Parliament ; Bikes for Refugees and Roadpeace

Win an Evil Cycling Lobby T-shirt

There’s all kinds of merchandise available for sale here but we have a couple of T-shirts from their new narwhal collection to give away. Please leave a comment below and specify whether you’d like a standard T, or the ladies or kids cut. We’ll pick a winner next week.

ETA – Ethical cycle insurance

ETA cycle insurance offers a sympathetic policy on the storage of bicycles. For example, as long as a shed door is locked, the bicycles stored within do not require any further security. On top of that, our policy covers stolen quick-release components. And for added peace of mind, we handle claims ourselves in-house. Oh, and we never devalue bikes, no matter their age. Hardly surprising The Good Shopping Guide judges us to be Britain’s most ethical provider.



  1. TheCyclist


    Yep! That’s me – the so-called ‘evil cyclist. I would love a T shirt, please. It shall be worn with pride. πŸ˜‡πŸ˜ƒβ€πŸš΄πŸš΅β€β™€οΈπŸš΄β€β™‚οΈ

  2. John


    Yep! That’s me – the so-called ‘evil cyclist. I would love a T shirt, please. It shall be worn with pride. πŸ˜‡πŸ˜ƒβ€πŸš΄πŸš΅β€β™€οΈπŸš΄β€β™‚οΈ

  3. Brian Ronald


    I’d like a standard evil T, please (-:

  4. David Smith


    That’s a very cool T shirt! I’d love a standard T.

    • Mark B


      Happy to be a part of this evil conspiracy! Make mine a standard T cut please.

  5. Darren C


    Lets spread the word of our dark world-overtaking plans……..muwhahaha!!
    (Regular T-shirt size X-Large please).

  6. Stephen


    Got to be an April Fools Joke, but I love it anyway!!

    Standard size joke please.

  7. Peter Shirley


    We have ways of making you pedal….

  8. Bryn Gwyndaf Jones


    Just perfect for advertising my evil ways!

  9. David Mayers


    Love it! But being considered evil is better than being ignored! Standard size please

  10. Jon Sparks


    Love this!
    Standard T pleeeze

  11. Neil


    Regular M please? Will wear it with pride to spread the word!

  12. Thomas Lankester


    Just what I need for my son’s birthday this month so he can impress his mates as he activates Launch Control at the Golf R driver meets he favours.

    Standard size please.

  13. Richard


    Regular, Large please,

  14. Les Gunbie


    Extra large male please – mwah ha ha!

  15. Ash B


    Sign me up! Standard T please!

  16. Alan


    I’d love a standard T-shirt and would wear it with pride in my underground-lair-stroke-bike-workshop.

  17. Mark Minion


    Guilty as charged. Standard please

  18. David Gray


    These people are threatening my right* to drive my car wherever I like, as fast as I like!

    * Based on the fact that cars came before people, bikes or even pushchairs.

  19. Robert Lewis


    I would be amused to be able to wear a standard T shirt – it would join my collection of cycling tee shirts, but would definitely be one of the favourites!

  20. Ema


    πŸ™‚ I’d like a lady t-shirt please.

  21. Another evil cyclist


    Would love one of these for my evil cyclist little children, especially for the one whose birthday it is in a couple of weeks! (So kiddie size please!)

  22. Kathy C


    As a keen regular; cyclist and keen to get cars off the road as much as possible, especially the ones who don’t care about cyclists and get annoyed when held up by them. Would wear the T-shirt with pride. Ladies please.

  23. Sam Marshall


    Sign me up! I’ve even lobbied for pavement space to be taken from private motor vehicles that need it for their left wheels. Regular T πŸ˜€

  24. Kate Goss


    I would love to have an evil cyclist’s T-shirt, women’s medium, please. What better way to get conversations going on the evils of cycling?

  25. Dominic Qaiser-Sweeting


    Standard model T please

  26. Howard


    I’m evil – hit me with a standard T

  27. Flicky


    It’s my birthday, and I am a woman!

  28. Alastair Seagroatt


    Be proud to be associated.

  29. Roger


    Great. Can I have a model narwhal to use on our local council roads dept. Use at the same angle as your t-shirt picture suggests! Std size please.

  30. Jim Woodlingfield


    I’m a proud member of the evil cycle lobby, a standard T would be good for me. Especially for zoom calls!

  31. Gavin


    … it’s a war out there – but not as we know it!
    Standard T – Large please.

  32. Guy R


    “Evil Cycling Lobby” – fantastic!

  33. PhilipT


    Standard large please

  34. Andy Brown


    ‘And what’s more, ve have vays of making you walk’

  35. Philip Benson


    Evil cyclists rule – standard size please

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